Differences

Why is it that sometimes i can be strange, outgoing, and sometimes downright funny and most of the time i can't? I think I am too conscious on what people think of me. I totally need to forget what people think of me and just be myself. But how does one be themselves? How can I be myself if i don't really know what myself is? Who am i really? A question I pose to myself many a times just walking alone or those times of solitude i have. I guess that questions bothers me too much for me to ever really ponder about it, so I just drown it out with music. Maybe I'm music. I know that is vague and arbitrary, but I don't know what to say. Who am I? Really? Like seriously? Does anyone know? I'm lost.

Man up

Need to change

Rose

Staring at this rose,
wilting in its coffin,
confined by man and nature.
Stuck in place no where to go no where to hide.
Transparent.
A vial of water to keep it alive,
but is it enough?
Maybe.

Apathetic

Feeling lost...

I hate...

when you drink
when you pressure me to do things i don't want to do
when you make decisions for me
when you act like a complete jerk
when you want it your way and no others
when you curse and yell
when you make a complete ass of yourself
when you expect me to be like you
when they expect me to be like you
when they think I am you
when condescend to me
when you always point out my fault
when you think I can't do anything right
sometimes when I used to look up to you
that I aspired to be like you

most of all when I'm mad at you and you don't even know it.

Time for a Change

What am I really doing here?
Failing grades,
ditching classes.
Do I deserve to be in this position.
Yes.
What am I really doing here?

College is suppose to be some of the best years of my life. To have fun, to make friends, and all that jazz. But the main reason is to get the education my parents are paying for and the education I have aspired to have ever since watching my brother go off to college. I never thought I'd be this distracted from my actual goal here at UCI. I thought I could have a life and study. But it seems that I'm living a little too much. I am in desperate need of buckling down and start hitting the books. No more playing around (well maybe occasionally) but now my education comes first. I know friends, girlfriend, and other miscellaneous activities are much more desirable at the moment and will probably always be, but if I want to make something of my life then it is time for a change. Priorities need straightening and a mind needs to focus.

Here I go...